I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
