at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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