You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
