im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
