im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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