I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
