I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
