I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
