help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
