I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
