My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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