Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
