how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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