i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize