If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
