i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
