I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
