we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Girls should come with a carfax report
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
