Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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