PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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