Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
