I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
