You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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