glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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