I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize