I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
