you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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