I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
