Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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