Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
