I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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