I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
