I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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