Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
