It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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