he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
