I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
