His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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