My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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