We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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