mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
