I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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