I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
