i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
