Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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