so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
