My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
