I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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