My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
