saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it's great music for shaving your balls
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
