No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
