Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We are two peas in an std pod
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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