Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
