so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
why do cheetos always look like penises
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
