just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
