Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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