hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
