when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
