I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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