I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize