I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
