you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
