5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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