Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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