do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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