I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
True but thats because hes a fetus.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
