So drunk its hurt
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Four minutes until I can fart!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
