If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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