I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
