is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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