i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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