I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
