I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize