How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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