So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
